Chapter 6 - The Turtle & The Hare - Tiny Muha

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Page 6 - Chapter 6 - The Turtle & the Hare

Page 6 - Chapter 6 - The Turtle & the Hare

The next thing I knew, the two of us were in a van headed south towards Melbourne. The playful banter that we shared in Cairns turned into bickering. We knew how to push each other's buttons and when confined in a small place with another person, jokes can turn sour. I never understood couples who bickered with each other. What's the point? Why be with a person that drives you crazy? Now I was one of those couples. It was always the other person's fault. I felt she was taking things I said way out of context. She felt that I was always attacking her. Now that I had decided to come with Turtles to Melbourne, dependent on her generosity, we had locked our fates together, at least for a time. Something about this certainty seemed unnatural. We were both out of our element. I knew that bickering was no way to live with another person. I began to realize that the things I said were often quite harsh, despite being able to explain my way out of them.

We drove from dumpster to dumpster, drove until we were too tired to continue, drove naked while belting out music and almost getting run off the road by a semi truck. Then one night, just outside of Sydney we had a conversation that I will never forget. Part of my decision to join Turtles to Melbourne was an attempt to break the cycle of unreciprocated love that I had been repeating in my life. But it never got easier. I still felt as though I was unable to give her the love she was giving me. The one thing I learned from all of my past, failed romances is that honesty is the most important factor in any relationship. So that night, laying in our van at a park in Newcastle, I told her everything. I told her about my tendency to push those away who show interest in me, that I was trying to break the pattern, and that I was sorry for being harsh with her and for not being able to reciprocate her love, but that I was trying. Obviously this sort of thing can be hard to hear. I knew that if I were hearing it I would get the impression that I was hard to love. This is the last thing I wanted to convey. Rather, I wanted to convey that it was my own insecurities that were making it hard for me to give her the love she deserved. Turtles thanked me for my honesty and said that she hoped we would always be honest with each other. From that moment onwards, we always were.